CaLvIn’S BlOg

Lifehouse – Everything

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose…you’re everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won’t let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you’re all I want, You’re all I need
You’re everything,everything
You’re all I want your all I need
You’re everything, everything.
You’re all I want you’re all I need.
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want you’re all I need, you’re everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

A great song, by Lifehouse.
Its actually a song to God.
It really touched my heart.

_________________________________________________

Every-Thing:
–pronoun
1. every thing or particular of an aggregate or total; all.
2. something extremely important or most important

Sometimes, I feel that I take God for granted, and sometimes I stray so far from Him.
Yet he’s just right there beside us standing shoulder to shoulder with us, He’s not so far after all… And yet we don’t know that He’s everywhere and everything in our lives.

He stands beside us calling our name, telling us he loves us so much and asking us to come back to Him, yet our ears fail us, we hear nothing and we continue straying further.

Just typing this makes me sound like a emotionless, senseless person.
I want to find God, yet He’s just here beside me.

Lord, I need You so much!
Help me!!!!!!!!!!
I am weak without You.
I need Your comfort…

8/2/2009|| 5.35 p.m.

A Day To Remember..

As my mom had a call at 5.30 in the evening, we rushed to my great grandma’s house. We had news she was getting weaker and weaker, and would not last the night… Jumped into the car, taking nothing more, than the clothes on our backs, and our normal belongings..

On, the way it thought so hard on how my grandma would go away. I had a thought, now she’s going Home first, not us. Usually, before we go back home at night we would tell our great grandma, ‘Ah Chor, wa tui hor seng, ma chai ko lai, ah?’ Then she would give us that warm smile and say, yea.. The next day, the same thing… Till that Sunday, all our goodbyes compiled together used in one breath, i was thinking.. Now its her turn to go back first. I could imagine she saying, ‘Calvin, wa tui hor seng, ah’, i could imagine her naming everyone of our family members and telling them she’s going home first.. I cried and i was listening to a song by Altered Frequency, the chorus went like:

Hold my Hand,
And help me stand,
Give me the strength,
To walk again.

As I sat in that passenger seat crying my eyes out, my mom tried comforting me, saying, ‘Hey, dun cry so much, after we go there she hasn’t breathed her last breath yet, how?’
That made me laugh a little..

15 minutes later, as we were near Free School, we got a call… My great grandma had left us, breathed her last 3 breaths on this earth.

I reached her house ran in, and saw my great grandma lying there all dressed up. She picked her own clothes to wear after she died..
I ran upstairs to my uncle’s room, i cried so hard i started pulling my hair and hitting my head. I was so sad, i couldn’t tell her i was going back home and seeing her the other day, just to tell her those same words i would tell her every night.

A few weeks before she died, she was still concious, I sat right beside her, holding her hands, and talking to her. She told me, ‘tak chek ho, ho, ah, calvin, lu form 3 liao’,

Seeing her suffering was not a beautiful sight… When she got a last stroke she was calling my name, my auntie told her i was in school… if i had known, i would have ran back to her house that day. My great grandma was like the magnet of the whoel family, she would keep us all together and alive.

Now, i don’t know what’s going to happen..
Well, i know She’s in a better place now.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

A great life She ran,
To follow His one plan,
To also Take His hand,
So, that he can help us Stand again….

__________________________________________________________________________________________

TAN LIEW SIM,
A follower of Christ,
A mother,
A grand mother,
A great grandmother.

Till we meet again, Ah Chor,
Till we meet again….

Thank You, Lord for my great grandma..

=`]

Back To Being Normal?
Don’t think so…

Wanna make a change?
Yes…

Easy to say? Hard to do… These paticular words have to be engraved in our hearts and our heads before we can actually do it… I mean.. I for one am hard to cling on about stuff… Mostly I am a person who takes in alot of hurt and compiles it in so no one knows… (Now you know why sometimes i’m like that =] ) I’ve been through so much hurt in life and i’ve hurt others so much…

No more! i DON’T WANT TO HURT OTHERS!! I dun mind if i get hurt… I take in hurt like a sponge… You just have to squeeze me and i can start letting it all out..

So, now? I wanna change.. I still will take in hurt, i still will please others.. but.. I wanna lift that hurt to God.. He knows best… But sometimes… When i wanna let it out.. its hard…

Strolls in the house compound, going out to see what God has created, doesn’t work much… Everytime I get flashbacks of my bad memories… My emotions just turn 180 degrees… I gotta stop… Give it all to God.

Wanna make a change?
Yes! I Do!

Back To Normal?
I am still yet to answer that…