Sunday, 23rd August, 2009 (3:59)

I was planning to sleep, I couldn’t. Why? There was something bugging me. I had a flashback, I was on the way back home in Aiching’s car. She asked, ‘ Not blogging anymore? ‘ I said, ‘ Nothing mcuh to blog about when everything’s going so “well” ‘.

Well, everything hadn’t been so well. Just found out. As I was lying on that bed, God put this song in my head. Its Planetshakers – Fall in This Place:

Verse1
Take me to the place lord
Where there`s nothing else but me and you
Longing for your presence
I know that you are calling me to you

Pre chorus
Here i stand
And long for your embrace
Nothing else
Could ever take your place

Chorus
Come holy spirit
Fall in this place
I need more and more of you
Fill me again with the power of your spirit
Lord i`m crying out for
More and more of you

Bridge
Lord i`m crying out for
More and more of you

Tears rolled down my cheeks, i got up ran to the computer, turned on my music player clicked a Planetshakers song and played it. It was Planetshakers – Weight Of The World. I needed God’s reviving touch so bad. Come Holy Spirit, Fall In This Place, I NEED MORE AND MORE OF YOU. 

These past few days, I couldn’t feel God at all. Cause I was blocking myself out. I was too busy, I don’t want to do that again. It kills. It kills the spirit. If only I could express how much pain it feels like to now be able to feel God, i would express it. Its like losing the most valuable thing in life. I needed his comfort and touch. This whole month i’ve been thinking, what if i did this,what will people think, what if.. what if. I Don’t wanna think about that anymore. I Don’t wanna care what others think about me anymore. Its about what God thinks. Search my heart, Lord. I wanna grow into what You want me to be……

Nothing Else Could Ever Take Your Place, Lord.

By Grace, By Love, All, By God.

Just Me,

Calvin

13/7/09 11:30p.m.

I was about to end my quiet time when i suddenly say peices of my bible cover on my pillow… i dusted it off and began to examine the covering of my bible… Then i began to run my fingers to through the somewhat ‘leather’ like material which covered my small little bible.

As i was doing this, a thought came to my mind..
“You see, calvin. Although the cover of this Bible may fade, the content which was the word of God is still in good condition.”

Then i wondered to myself. Wow, God’s word is so great. A little tears filled my eyes and I had an egerness to put this on my blog. =)

Another day, another now thing to learn from God.

* in a calvin-cubicle *

Learning,
Calvin

More To Life….

Ever thought to yourself, “There must be more than this… There must be more to this life.”

After one cold rainy Sunday watching Transformers 2, a movie I had waited 6 months to watch… That night, as I was on my way back home, I had a feeling of discomfort in my heart… I was thinking, “There must be more to life than just going out with friends, eating good food, having luxuries of life… God, why am I having such a discomforting time after I went out with my friends, ate good food, and saw an amazing movie? Why, Lord, Why?”

Then I thought to myself, I’m missing out on something, this amazing everlasting fulfillment in life that can take away all discomforts… It is God’s love. I know it’s always there, but why don’t I feel it??

Why??
I took up my guitar, and started to worship God, tears began to roll down my cheeks, I could feel that peace in my heart.
It’s like when that amazing moment you’ve been waiting for for so long has finally come…
When you’ve been waiting so long, it comes. You feel the peace and fulfillment in your heart…
Then as I was flicking through the Bible, I came across 1 Corinthians 13
Love Is The Greatest.
The part I couldn’t understand was…. Why was I smiling as I cried?

I wish I knew more and more about love.
God’s love…

Just got to keep on asking God.

Departing with words of wisdom;

13. Three things will last forever-faith, hope and love-and the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Just me, Calvin..

20th June 2009

A loss today, a birthday, and a prayer answered.

Thank you God.. =]

A loss and A Birthday

The loss of Joshua Chuah’s aunt on his birthday was striking..

but at least She gave him a great birthday present today. She went back to the Lord….

For the prayer answered…
I’ve been praying to God:
Lord, help me to feel your love.. your comfort, your warmth.. i just can’t feel your presence nowadays.. why??
Surely enough as i walked out of my room, i checked my restraunt city, then wet straight to grab the guitar and worship God.
It was amazing.. =)

As i began to sing,
“Amazing love, how can it be,
That You, My King would die for me,
Amazing love, I KNOW ITS TRUE,
Its my joy to honour You.”

Especially the part where Its true. That struck my heart so deep. Like God was saying he’s still here and he loves me. Amazing… Just lost for words. I was crying and smiling.. Its was so Good..

Jesus loves us, this we KNOW,
For the Bible tells us so,
Little wants to Him belong,
They Are weak, BUT He is Strong!

Yes,
Jesus loves us,
Yes,
Jesus loves us.
The Bible tells us so…

I know if you think this song is childish,
It has alot of meaning,
Although it is very srtaight and has little words to say,
Its meaningful…
Amazing love…

A calvin-cubicle….

Calvin.

The truth hurts, but… to tell the truth…
I like it!!!

I like to better myself by getting to know my weaknesses… well, as i read in a book, How People Grow, truth helps us in our spiritual and mental growth.

God wants us to live in reality,
life’s not always easy,
the world is full of things,
we just have to face the truth.

=)

Whee~~

Questions rose in my head as i was on my way back home today…

Was today a good day? Was i living well? Or just another day wasted?
I mean, i got my excercise i love that, but.. Isn’t life just more than just excercising, playing games, or just lazing around.
I mean, everyday passes so fast, when you know it, after monday you’re already in thursday then, the next thing is, you’re in sunday. Its crazy, i mean, i get 24 hours a day to live a life pleasing to God. Its hard! 24 hours passes so fast. In the morning im playing my guitar in church the next thing i know, im at home at night thinking of the next day. I mean, in those 24 hours have i been just wasting it?

This feeling started off when i thought, ‘ everyone else around me is having such a great time, relationships, going oout with friends, having great times, things to talk about. aand sometimes i feel like i just left the world for a day or two totally cut off.. I mean it hurts, but i try to find my ppeace in God.

I mean i havent had a relationship in 3 years cause i don’t want to simply just go into relationships and break in like, what a month or two, i mean sometimes i feel like… i just want someone to hold tight in my arms, to hug, and to love.
And then there’s this little voice in my head saying, Calvin, find you peace in me, find your love in me, that everlasting love. One day, ill bring that person. Then i remember God’s everlasting love for me. But these thoughts in my head keep on hitting me again and again.. and the same thing happens and i thought today, God has been helping me to overcome this stupid loniness, and what have I been doing? just going on and forgetting everything that he did. this is human nature, we fail to remember God that is such a faithful God, he comforts us in our hard times, and helps us through when we fall in that pile of shit. He picks us up, he cleans us and puts us back on our feet, and what do we do? Forget!

Disturbing are these thoughts in my mind..
More reason to ask God, whether i am living a life pleasing to Him..

In a calvin-cubical.

Calvin.

Come to think of it…
Nowadays since PMR i have been lacking of anything much happening…
But just one day, as i wanted to take an afternoon nap, I had head pains..
And when i opened my eyes, I heard someone say, ‘Calvin’
Moreover, there was no1 home with me. My mom had gone for dinner.
I quickly got up, asked God, ‘ Yes, Lord what do You want from me?’
He said ‘ Get up, take your Bible, I want to talk to you’
I rushed to get a Bible and he told me to turn on some music.. and listen to the song God Is moving.
He talked to me through Ephesians chapter 5. living as children of Light.
I thought alot, i started to praise God and worship HIm, that was the most exciting worship I have ever experienced.
=D

haha….

Well,
We need God to help us through..
Not to just depend on ourselves..
Cause, practically we’re nothing without God…
=D

Hee….
Cheers!!
just a normal post…
nothing big happened…
not yet.
=D

ill keep updating…

Im learning to breathe…
Learnin’ to fall…

Makes me able to live a better life when i choke abit and get a few bruises..
=]

NItes, all…

Just me,

Calvin

Lifehouse – Everything

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose…you’re everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won’t let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you’re all I want, You’re all I need
You’re everything,everything
You’re all I want your all I need
You’re everything, everything.
You’re all I want you’re all I need.
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want you’re all I need, you’re everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

A great song, by Lifehouse.
Its actually a song to God.
It really touched my heart.

_________________________________________________

Every-Thing:
–pronoun
1. every thing or particular of an aggregate or total; all.
2. something extremely important or most important

Sometimes, I feel that I take God for granted, and sometimes I stray so far from Him.
Yet he’s just right there beside us standing shoulder to shoulder with us, He’s not so far after all… And yet we don’t know that He’s everywhere and everything in our lives.

He stands beside us calling our name, telling us he loves us so much and asking us to come back to Him, yet our ears fail us, we hear nothing and we continue straying further.

Just typing this makes me sound like a emotionless, senseless person.
I want to find God, yet He’s just here beside me.

Lord, I need You so much!
Help me!!!!!!!!!!
I am weak without You.
I need Your comfort…

8/2/2009|| 5.35 p.m.

A Day To Remember..

As my mom had a call at 5.30 in the evening, we rushed to my great grandma’s house. We had news she was getting weaker and weaker, and would not last the night… Jumped into the car, taking nothing more, than the clothes on our backs, and our normal belongings..

On, the way it thought so hard on how my grandma would go away. I had a thought, now she’s going Home first, not us. Usually, before we go back home at night we would tell our great grandma, ‘Ah Chor, wa tui hor seng, ma chai ko lai, ah?’ Then she would give us that warm smile and say, yea.. The next day, the same thing… Till that Sunday, all our goodbyes compiled together used in one breath, i was thinking.. Now its her turn to go back first. I could imagine she saying, ‘Calvin, wa tui hor seng, ah’, i could imagine her naming everyone of our family members and telling them she’s going home first.. I cried and i was listening to a song by Altered Frequency, the chorus went like:

Hold my Hand,
And help me stand,
Give me the strength,
To walk again.

As I sat in that passenger seat crying my eyes out, my mom tried comforting me, saying, ‘Hey, dun cry so much, after we go there she hasn’t breathed her last breath yet, how?’
That made me laugh a little..

15 minutes later, as we were near Free School, we got a call… My great grandma had left us, breathed her last 3 breaths on this earth.

I reached her house ran in, and saw my great grandma lying there all dressed up. She picked her own clothes to wear after she died..
I ran upstairs to my uncle’s room, i cried so hard i started pulling my hair and hitting my head. I was so sad, i couldn’t tell her i was going back home and seeing her the other day, just to tell her those same words i would tell her every night.

A few weeks before she died, she was still concious, I sat right beside her, holding her hands, and talking to her. She told me, ‘tak chek ho, ho, ah, calvin, lu form 3 liao’,

Seeing her suffering was not a beautiful sight… When she got a last stroke she was calling my name, my auntie told her i was in school… if i had known, i would have ran back to her house that day. My great grandma was like the magnet of the whoel family, she would keep us all together and alive.

Now, i don’t know what’s going to happen..
Well, i know She’s in a better place now.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

A great life She ran,
To follow His one plan,
To also Take His hand,
So, that he can help us Stand again….

__________________________________________________________________________________________

TAN LIEW SIM,
A follower of Christ,
A mother,
A grand mother,
A great grandmother.

Till we meet again, Ah Chor,
Till we meet again….

Thank You, Lord for my great grandma..

=`]

We went to Uncle Richard’s house for dinner on Sunday. =D

It was so funny!!

=D

we had a great time… Nick was stuffing himself with food at the dinner table. He was like ‘Cal i’m gonna beat you at eating’ and i wan like ‘riiiiiggghhhhhhtttt…’ ahahah…

=D

so, then we went to play tekken 5. Amazingly, my first time playing and i WON!!!

=D cool, eh?!!

yea!!

=P

so, den we went to nick’s room to listen to……. SWITCHFOOT!!!!! YEA!!!! =D

hahah!!

we were so bored, that we did some stupid stuff… =P like :

hahah!!!

=P

so, thus ends the day.. =P

Happy Chinese New Year ya’ll!

Being Myself,

Cal.