CaLvIn’S BlOg

Let me tell u a story…

I told God, if its right to like this person, You open the door, just around.. 4 days later.. The door closed on me, hit me hard in the face and left me bruised… God told me something…

Now, is not a time to get into situations like this… Continue your walk with Me… I’ll bring the perfect person for you when the time is right…

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Wanna know how the door closed on me?

It all happened this morning, December 23rd 2008, 9.22 a.m, this person wanted to follow us back down to Penang when we were going to come back from KL. Lawrence said he’s fine.. Its up to me to make the decesion and come back to him and we would disscuss it together. I thought, sure, this person could follow us down.. So, we discussed it in the car.. He put me in such a tough situation where either way i turned i’d still fall into that big pile of shit right there… So, as i walked up the flight of stairs to my house, i realized.. God just answered me.. The answer was no… Lawrence said, its time to start thinking… I came back, had a feeling to blog this… Jared.. See ya this Friday, i’ll talk to you about it. =] Lawrence, thanks for helping God close that door or else there would be alot of shit happening.. heh heh…

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My Prayer

My prayer… Lord, when? I’m not sure.. But, Lord.. Is it wrong to like a person? I’m not sure… I can go on in life for you, Lord.. Just fill this hole deep within my heart… I don’t want to have this hole in my heart so long…

And hey, Amanda, if you’ve read this, then now you know what God has in plan… I love you alot, as a friend and as a bro. =`] Greater things are yet to come.. Please pray for me as I will for you.. Help me pray that God will guide me in my walk with Him and use me for His work.. I will be praying for you as well, just tell me what you want me to pray for you.  =]

God Calls.. This Boy Fears at the same time, excited… Trust is my only option…

God has many other things He wants us to do for Him… This is a hard post to write as it  was hard to find the words to express my feelings…

God calls me for His use. I fear… Am I ready? When will i go? What do i do?

Trust.. He’ll lead us…

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow,

a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind,

Still You hear me when i’m calling, You catch me when i’m falling and You told me who i am..

I Am Yours..

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Use me, Lord..

I am but a tool for Your work..

Greater things are yet to come..

You guide me and lead me through everything..

I took up those keys..

I’m gonna hold on to them…

Well,

Today, i wanted to share this… This Chapter Of The BiBle that I recently read, changed my christian life around. So Many Things I can learnt just from one Chapter Out of so many chapters in the Bible.

A great Milestone Today! When we ask the Lord and wait on HIm, He answers! =]

The Chapter that I had read was Luke 6.

An Amazing Chapter from The Most Amazing Book.

31st Oct 2008.

Nites. =]

Mission Work?

Mis-Sio-Na-Ry:

25, October 2008, Saturday

Saturdays, just my usual day of studying in the morning, going to Joshua House and floorball training… But, this Saturday was a different story.. Well, I was worship leading at Joshua House on that day. So, i got ready my songs then followed Nicholas to Joshua House. The songs I sang were Trading My Sorrows, Jesus Loves Me This I Know, Hungry ( Falling On My Knees ). So, after that we had a sermon which was preacher by Uncle James. The topic was, are we ready for God’s coming? and What Did God want us to be? Well, remember the last 2 posts, where I let someone go? I Told God, I’m gonna pick up those keys. Well, while Uncle James was preaching, I asked God ‘Lord, what do You want me to do?’ A few minutes later the word missionary popped in my head. I thought deep… Is it Real? Is it True? I thought about it the whole day.

26, October 2008, Sunday

Todays worship, as we worshipped, suddenly the thought came back. Just a moving flash. I started to cry abit. Just thinking about it got me crying. I thought. ‘how am i going to do this? i’m not a people person!’ So, I thought and thought… Deep in thought I decided to pray and ask God whether that was what he wanted me to do. So, here’s an update. I wanted to talk to Jared about this, but I couldn’t cause i thought asking him in public would attract attention.

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My Prayer:

Lord, if You really want me to do this, I will, but Lord, help me in this… I’m am so weak. Your will be done. Give me the strength and help me to grow closer to You. I need You every second and Lord, grant me the gift of people, Lord. As You taught Uncle Har Yong, and now He has passed this down to us. There are 3 things that we must invest in this life. You, Your Word, and People. Lord I cannot invest in these things without Your help. Please help me,

Amen.

If God calls, who are we to reject? If you don’t do it, God still gets it done. No matter what.

His Will Be Done, Not Ours. Praise The Lord.

Its been 12 days, since i haven’t wrote in my journal!!

So, i’ve decided to write it down… Well, this week i had alot of things to do…. But thats not why i didn’t write… I didn’t write because i kept on forgetting…

During these 12 days, I haven’t been all good, alot of things happened. I’m plannning my scout patrol dance, and i’m trying to get Lawrence’s brother, Fox to teach me some moves. I have studying to do. Alot. But through these few days, i also faced many milestones. Many that i tripped over…

Although how much i try to step over sometimes, i just fall.. I need God to help me to get over those milestones. Everytime i try to cross and i fall, i feel like i’m back to square 1. Back to basics… Its so annoying!! URGHH! =P

Please pray for me. Pray that God will use me how He wants to, and for Him to give me the strength to cross these milestones.

Well, last Thursday, I had mentoring with my mentor, Jared… He invited me over to his house. So, Auntie Kheng Hong, Jared and I went for dinner at Happy Garden Cafe(well, i think its spelled this way) =P

After dinner, we went back to His house… he asked me, ; Cal, what makes a good worship leader?

Well, as some of you know me… When i don’t know the answers, i’ll probably give the most straight foward text book answer i can dig in my puny brain. =P

So, i gave the answers;

1. Can lead the congregation
2. Good singer
3. Strong in the Lord

So, Jared told me I was missing the most important thing… Ushering the spirit of the Lord.. A good worship leader is able to usher in the spirit of the Lord.. This not only applies to the worship leaders but also to the band members…

We, sang ‘Jesus loves me this I know’. Then he asked me ; What do you think of this song?’. Well, i just said.. ‘kindergarden song?’ Well, he said ; Yea… but think of it this way.. when we worship lead, we not only choose the song because its nice or in, but… we need to know what God wants us to sing to Him and we need to see what the song says’.

Well, I found out that night, just because ‘Jesus loves me this I know’ is a kindergarden song, doesn’t mean its boring or lame.. Its actually a really meaningful song.. Well, sure… we used to sing it last time when we were small lil’ kids.. But the real meaning behind it is that Jesus Loves each and everyone of us alot..Wow! I cried just singing that song!!

Well, lets just say, if we dun practice how to worship the Lord now, how will we be able to worship Him when we go to heaven? I am also speaking for myself… So, i pray, tonight that God will teach us how He wants us to worship Him.

God Bless… Please pray.. God is moving and He aint gonna stop till He’s done what He wants to do..

=]

*Sac-Ri_Fice*

1. (In Calvin Terms): Sarcrificing what i love too much to let go…

^

This word up here???? Easy to say… hard to do….. i did it…. i felt so bad… but i had to do it for the better of Her and me….

06.08.08 (Wedneday)

The day started normally…. all was going well in school, I on that day, had an appontment with Lawrence to practice for an activity this Sunday…. When he picked me up, he said… Cal.. we need to talk about you and her… A few days before I was asking God whether I was ready for this relationship…. I was gonna propose to Her on the 15th which was the Friday on the following week… We talked…. Lawrence told me…. “I dun think you’re ready… God has spoken to me, and you’re not in a position to provide for her…God is asking you to pick up the keys he has given you.. Your time will come…”, When i heard this, I began to sobbed abit… *I cried in Secret Recipie!! 0.0* After dinner, we went to church… Usually, when i’m sad, I would play my guitar…So, once i reached church, I went to the church guitar and started playing it…. I worship and worshipped…. Till i cried *luckily Lawrence didn’t see me*. It was so hard to realize what i have heard, I have been going through the same thing 3 times…. This was the hardest to let go….  I had gone so far…. was about to pop the question, and God tells me i’m not ready…. ok, maybe… I’m not ready… but when?? When will I be ready?? After practice, I went to Bak Kut Teh with Lawrence, Cheryl, and Ian. On the way back, *Lawrence was fetching me* I asked Lawrence ” What if she hates me if I tell her?” Lawrence replied ” I doubt that alot, because if you tell her… She’ll be thinking back because if you dragged Her into this realtionship, and you both break up, both of you will get even more hurt” Ok, i dun want her to get hurt, so, I decided to end it that night…

I reached home, I told Lawrence ” I’m gonna tell her tonight, pray 4 me”. Lawrence nodded and told me to read Joshua 1. As i was walking back to my apartment, i was praying, crying and asking God… “Why??!! Why am I not ready?? When?!!”. I went to my room straight, locked the door, and read Joshua 1. Joshua 1 talks about obedience to God and Joshua 1:16-17 says : 16.Then they answered Joshua, “Whatever you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go. 17. Just as we fully obeyed Moses, so we will obey you. Only may the Lord you God be with you as he was with Moses. I was moved… I picked up my guitar… started worshipping and praying…. I told God “Lord, I pick up these keys, you make my paths straight… Make her understand, Lord… Only u can help me explain…. I leave it all to You now, Lord.. One thing, Lord… after I tell her this, You Lord, help her to grow more in You, and love You more”. I wept till my eyes were red…. I put my head between my legs and cried…. a few seconds later, she miss called me… ok, i smsed: Praying now, can i call bak in 5 mins? Surely enough i called back… i told her… the conver laster around 30 mins…. i was crying and telling her this… my heart broke apart… I felt so foolish, yet I wanted to please God… This is also another thing… humiliation… After the conver, i smsed Lawrence and my mentor, Jared…. I told them what I just did…. They said, its not hard to sacrifice the things i really love, and told me to get some rest… We would discuss about it another day when we meet again….

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The next day, well, it was hard for me, i felt so sad… continuosly…. well, I think what i have learnt from all of this, is…. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice the best of things because God doesn’t want to give it to us yet because we’re not ready….

Matthew 6:33

” But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these(good) things will be given to you as well.”

Seek first his kingdom… I’m just starting… It took me 14 years to realize this!! When we walk this path with God, its not going to be easy… the devil will put in front of you all kinds of temptations to hurt you or discourage you… but, I encourage you, still drive on for God. Because when we need Him, He will provide and when we seek Him first, all good things will be added on to us.

Keep me in your prayers… I’m still sad…. its hard to get over this emotional hurt…

09.08.08

Thanks…. =`[

PS: i;m 14 years old, and i’m bloggin.. wow….

Well,

the month has been a good month….not to say great or anything just nice. This month, i went to Sabah for an excursion of a lifetime to go there for the Lord’s sport: Floorball. x]

The reason Contact went to Sabah for floorball was to teach the flooballers at Sabah how to play a better game and also to spread the word of God. =] The people there were great and they were extremely friendly and thier hospitality….. SUPER! =D Cheers!

hahaz….

The Sabah trip was very exhausting but at the same time fun and exciting. I got to try out new things with my friends like… snorkeling and learning the skill of bathing in 5 minutes!!!(Wow!!) =D

So, after I got back from Sabah… tired…. sleepy.. the usual me =P but this week God really helped me as I had difficulty finding strength to run my daily activities… =] so, tops to that =P

Before the Sabah trip, I had a meet up with my Mentor, Jared Tan!! xD  hahaz… yea… well, in that meeting he asked me to explain in my opinion what mentoring ment and what i wanna be when i grow up to be like his age…..err…. you wanna know his age??? =P… nah…. its a secret x] hahaz… He also taught me more about God and in my opininon i have to want more of God and trust Him in my situations more…. Its not everyday that u can live without God and go: ‘Oh, I had no troubles today and I handled everything just peachy all BY MYSELF (heh…yea right… i bet u had a crappy day)’  Well, in my last and first YLDP camp, I chose to in God’s music ministry and, well, things have been going well in that section but… at times.. I feel that i’m missing something… something important…. Maybe its because God wants me to want more things from Him.. like in the Bible:

‘Ask and it will be given’

Well, i think God puts us in situations where we just don’t excel and he wants us to depend on Him and trust in Him fully… i guess…. well, these are the things that have been affecting my sadness and emptyness…

I think….I’d better put this on the Blog as well… well, as Jared asked me to tell him what in my opinion of mentoring is i’d might as well show it here… its not much… but I think God wants me to rise up and just Believe he can conquer my disatvantages and help me through my hard times… :

Mentoring (in my opinion):

Well, its because at this age I am growing older and more mature and I need to learn more things that will teach me more about what God wants in me and what He expects from me in life from a more experienced person and also, having a mentor is just like having a bigger brother to look up to and to just gaze at and when you start mixing with your mentor more you’d think you’d wanna be just like him/her. Like… theres some goal for me to reach in life and to follow in his footsteps and also grow in the Lord. I hope i can really learn from you, Jared. I wanna be closer to God… Not just another normal person amongst the crowd…wanna shine for God…..

*mentoring part dedicated to Jared*

I want to see revival in my life so that i can not only just stand out in the crowd but also spread God’s Word. After I have achieved this goal I aim for more and more… but if i ask but have no faith how will I achieve that prize….How great to hear and see God say that I have done well to spread His kingdom… Imagine if that happened to you after we have all passed on to heaven God waiting at the gate for your arrival and when you reach, He says to you:

‘Welcome home, my Son/Daughter. Well Done’

Well, thats all i have now for this post… I hope you think about what I have wrote this day… cause this is no joke… God wants us to spread His kingdom.. and when the end times come, times will be hard but we have to stand up for God.

Keep me in you Prayers.

Thanks. =]

Well, life may not be as easy as it was when we were lil’ kids when our parents would scramble about wondering what to do with us just to shut us up and please our desires… Now, life’s not so simple when you’re older….ever since i moved into free school a year ago, I didn’t really enjot it much because of the mountains of homework a day…i mean like….. who gives 3 essays in one day and we were supposed to pass it up the next day??!!! It was excruciating pain!!

Well, i thought i’d ease myself of the stress by following some of my friends to a ‘computer club’ nah……i’m just pulling your leg i went to a Cyber Cafe..(duh…=.=’!) anywayz,….. we went there played a game of Warcraft 3 you know,…. DotA…. so, I got hooked…. kept on going and getting engrossed into it. I was stuck to it like a leech….. I was wanting to play more and more….

So, one beautiful day(i’m being sarcastic), i went to the Cyber Cafe with my friends again…. we had skipped my school CF( Christian Fellowship…..i’m so sorry i did that, Lord!! =_( ) just to go play a few rounds of DotA with my friends….As we were ending our first round one of my friends had to go home as his mom was waiting for him in school…..we countinued on playing and stayed for another hour…..

On Sunday that week, my friends mother confronted me and asked me whether that day i skipped CF to go to the Cyber Cafe….Well, i had to tell the truth… So, later my mom found out i had done such a thing…. she was frustrated and scolded me…(typical moms) Nevertheless, my whole family knew about it….. She even told my dad!!!( I AM SO SCREWED!!!!!)

On that same day, i pleaded for God’s forgiveness and vowed never to go to a Cyber Cafe again…. well, its working!! I have quitted the LAME game and stopped going anymore!!! Hooray 4 me!!! Cheers!! =D =.=” Well, sometimes God wants us to just wake up and realize that we’ve been doing the wrong thing and go back to Him….

Here r some LAME pics of my LAME school…(LAME!!!) =D if any of the PFS teachers or authorities are reading this, hope you like the ‘LAME’ part x](WHEEE~~!!!):

Well, thats th only pic i got xD leave me a comment!! =D