CaLvIn’S BlOg

*Sac-Ri_Fice*

1. (In Calvin Terms): Sarcrificing what i love too much to let go…

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This word up here???? Easy to say… hard to do….. i did it…. i felt so bad… but i had to do it for the better of Her and me….

06.08.08 (Wedneday)

The day started normally…. all was going well in school, I on that day, had an appontment with Lawrence to practice for an activity this Sunday…. When he picked me up, he said… Cal.. we need to talk about you and her… A few days before I was asking God whether I was ready for this relationship…. I was gonna propose to Her on the 15th which was the Friday on the following week… We talked…. Lawrence told me…. “I dun think you’re ready… God has spoken to me, and you’re not in a position to provide for her…God is asking you to pick up the keys he has given you.. Your time will come…”, When i heard this, I began to sobbed abit… *I cried in Secret Recipie!! 0.0* After dinner, we went to church… Usually, when i’m sad, I would play my guitar…So, once i reached church, I went to the church guitar and started playing it…. I worship and worshipped…. Till i cried *luckily Lawrence didn’t see me*. It was so hard to realize what i have heard, I have been going through the same thing 3 times…. This was the hardest to let go….  I had gone so far…. was about to pop the question, and God tells me i’m not ready…. ok, maybe… I’m not ready… but when?? When will I be ready?? After practice, I went to Bak Kut Teh with Lawrence, Cheryl, and Ian. On the way back, *Lawrence was fetching me* I asked Lawrence ” What if she hates me if I tell her?” Lawrence replied ” I doubt that alot, because if you tell her… She’ll be thinking back because if you dragged Her into this realtionship, and you both break up, both of you will get even more hurt” Ok, i dun want her to get hurt, so, I decided to end it that night…

I reached home, I told Lawrence ” I’m gonna tell her tonight, pray 4 me”. Lawrence nodded and told me to read Joshua 1. As i was walking back to my apartment, i was praying, crying and asking God… “Why??!! Why am I not ready?? When?!!”. I went to my room straight, locked the door, and read Joshua 1. Joshua 1 talks about obedience to God and Joshua 1:16-17 says : 16.Then they answered Joshua, “Whatever you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go. 17. Just as we fully obeyed Moses, so we will obey you. Only may the Lord you God be with you as he was with Moses. I was moved… I picked up my guitar… started worshipping and praying…. I told God “Lord, I pick up these keys, you make my paths straight… Make her understand, Lord… Only u can help me explain…. I leave it all to You now, Lord.. One thing, Lord… after I tell her this, You Lord, help her to grow more in You, and love You more”. I wept till my eyes were red…. I put my head between my legs and cried…. a few seconds later, she miss called me… ok, i smsed: Praying now, can i call bak in 5 mins? Surely enough i called back… i told her… the conver laster around 30 mins…. i was crying and telling her this… my heart broke apart… I felt so foolish, yet I wanted to please God… This is also another thing… humiliation… After the conver, i smsed Lawrence and my mentor, Jared…. I told them what I just did…. They said, its not hard to sacrifice the things i really love, and told me to get some rest… We would discuss about it another day when we meet again….

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The next day, well, it was hard for me, i felt so sad… continuosly…. well, I think what i have learnt from all of this, is…. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice the best of things because God doesn’t want to give it to us yet because we’re not ready….

Matthew 6:33

” But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these(good) things will be given to you as well.”

Seek first his kingdom… I’m just starting… It took me 14 years to realize this!! When we walk this path with God, its not going to be easy… the devil will put in front of you all kinds of temptations to hurt you or discourage you… but, I encourage you, still drive on for God. Because when we need Him, He will provide and when we seek Him first, all good things will be added on to us.

Keep me in your prayers… I’m still sad…. its hard to get over this emotional hurt…

09.08.08

Thanks…. =`[

PS: i;m 14 years old, and i’m bloggin.. wow….